I have a cat, a legion of spiders and a dead dog in a box.
I’m actually a man.
I have five computers none of which really work.
I almost never buy my own clothes and have throughout my life relied on various women to do it for me.
I comfort-eat when I am unhappy.
I also eat to celebrate periods of happiness.
I feel guilt after eating.
Guilt makes me unhappy.
I always counter the need to dress formally by painting my toenails black and gold.
I don’t hate people. I’m just afraid of them.
Wasps hate me.
I constantly buy stuff on ebay just so I’ll have the joy of decent post.
I had to have therapy after playing Doom 3 because of my reoccurring nightmare about being gang-raped by fat bald zombies.
I was caught masturbating when I was fifteen by some visiting friends and it stunted my sexual growth.
I have a framed picture of Jeffrey Donaldson on my desk to deter thieves.
I’ve read the Bible, the Koran and The Book of The Law but thought the movies were better.
I’m a stickler for internet ettiquette and grammar and have actually murdered people for not editing email replies adaquately.
I’m still waiting for Blake’s 7 to come back, but I’ve given up on the Amiga and the idea of any new release from The Sisters of Mercy.
I’ve eaten baguette almost religiously every day since I returned from France.
I hardly ever seem to listen to The Cure anymore.
I’ve got a fondness for pickled gherkin.
I’m easily intimidated.
I use Brylcreem
I met my hero and he was a twat.
Cellular phone batteries hate me.
I don’t remember my first time.
Sid Meier stole my youth.
I’m beginning to suspect the new Depeche Mode album might actually be worse than the last one and I’m just deluding myself into thinking otherwise.
I have a Tesco Clubcard.
I’m really embarrassed about anything bowel related and have held it in for weeks in the past when I couldn’t find a comfortable facility.
My hair hates me.
I have naughty fantasies about Avril Lavigne in a garden shed.
I play with toy robots in the bath.
I grow herbs in the windowsill.
Soya products make me fart.
I feel like I lose everything that is important to me but infact it’s usually just limited to receipts, backups and lovers.
I HATE Ainsley Harriot and I wish he was DEAD!
I’ve no time for misplaced or irrational hatred and those who wish harm upon others.
I’m a hypocrite.
I haven’t worn a watch for about ten years.
I can procrastinate to Olympic standards, but I’d never go professional.
I think there is too much cynicism in the world. Especially online. I believe it stems from insecurity and is a sign of immaturity rather than sophistication.
I once recorded a concept album about a redundant clone of Jimmy Stewart trying to survive in a media obsessed future dystopia where clones are property with no rights, but it was shite. I lost the masters in a hard drive crash and never regretted it.
Children hate me
I’ve written about 23 novels (first chapter of) and about 100 short stories (first couple of pages of)
I’ve been virtually vegetarian for years but eat meat in polite company due to peer pressure. I purge in private and suffer great guilt and moral confusion for days later.
The smell of liver cooking makes me feel nauseous.
I’m uncomfortable around telephones. I fear they might ring.
I’ve been known to giggle nervously in my sleep.
I’m trying to be more friendly and trusting, honestly.
I can read most of the time without using my finger.
People are mean to me.
I used to have a ventriloquists dummy but I had to get rid of it because it frightened me. I still fear that it might come back one day. I sleep with the light on.
I’ve made fan-sites for Bomb The Bass, Killing Joke, And One, James Ray & The Weathermen.
I coulda been a contender.
I believe Michael Jackson is innocent of child abuse and was framed by the Federation because they saw him as a dangerous revolutionary and killing him would only create a martyr to the rebellion.
My LJ icon is actually a real photo of me as a child that was used by Tom Ellard for the 1982 Severed Heads release “Goodbye Tonsils”. I merely reclaimed it.
I once tried to like Football. I even had a “favourite team” but I can’t remember which one it was.
I used to annoy my dog by peeing against the same trees he did.
Printers hate me.
I don’t believe in the existence of evil as a concept.
I’m allergic to oranges.
I retain next to no memory of any gigs I’ve been to.
I like to be bitten.
I routinely overcharge batteries.
I could live on Chinese food.
I sometimes wish I was a simpler form of life.
I find it difficult to remain angry at people and sometimes have to force myself so I don’t inadvertently forgive an absolute cunt.
I’ve bent my wookie on more than one occasion.
I don’t drink milk, but I do eat a lot of cheese.
I once considered being a transvestite but watching a “where are they now” documentary on Marilyn put me off.
I plan to have an allotment in my middle age, and possibly a best friend called Jim Pooley.
I’m lonely even with friends.
I’ll start tomorrow.
I collect Kinder suprise toys, for some reason.
Like dogs I can’t see 2D images and just pretend to watch TV, mimicking the actions of others in relation to what they apparently see on the screen.
I don’t think I really believe any of this exists outside my head.
I have problems that other people know about but I am as of yet still oblivious to.