Self-Inflicted Pain

Have you ever watched an animal die? A helpless creature expiring in pain and suffering
before your eyes? Wanting to help in some way but being unable to?

This is how I felt yesterday. As I watched, for the first time in my life, one of the two
pilots for a defunct US version of Red Dwarf.

Oh how I cried. I buried my face in my hands and I wept for I could take no more. How I
wished I could lead it out to the woodshed and shoot it. Or take it in my arms, snap its neck and end its suffering and sit there, its lifeless corpse in my hands and cry, cry for lost humanity… but I could not. I could do
nothing but sit and watch in horror and anguish until I could take no more and fled the room
and left it alone to die and I would no longer hear it’s cries or canned laughter at the gags
that JUST DON’T WORK on the other side of the atlantic.

I can understand why Robert Llwellyn was in it, he’ll do anything for a laugh, but Jane
Leeves… how she got a job in Fraiser for all these years. They honestly mustn’t have seen
it, or perhaps they did and felt sorry for her.

Bad bad bad…

My second Kazaa purloined video nasty for the day was another controversial abomination. One
that I had been warned for many long years to avoid it I didn’t want a magical part of my
childhood destroyed, but I figured that the laughable joke released to the world under the
cunningly ambiguous title ‘Star wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones’ did that already. So i
finally decided to watch the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special.

Well what can I say? It’s a 60s/70s style variety show set a long time ago in a galaxy far
away, and authentic to the format, being embarrasingly twee and amazingly dull. There is
seemingly dull hours with Chewies indecipherably suburban family that shaved could have been
from any failed sitcom made in the 70s who live in a 50s style prefab up a tree. his dad/dad
in law looked like Edward G Robinson with severe hormone problems, his wife looked like she
probably used to play shotput for East germany and his son was like an incredibly hair Gary
Coleman on a heavy Ritalin perscription. Han and Chewie for the short time they appear look
bored and emabarrased as they should be. Leia looks like Carry Fisher had started the drugs
by this time and Luke looks like he’s been doing gay porn prior to this and sports a haircut
that makes him look even more like a Nazi Poster boy than he already did. I’ll admit I
haven’t watched the second half. It’s too painful. Jefferson Starship are just… Jefferson
Starship. they got cut out of the original trilogy because having them in it would’ve been a
shit idea.

I think prior to Ep 2 I’d probably wish I hadn’t watched it, but now it’s just a dull relic.
A failed example of promotion prior to them working out that appearing on The Muppet show was
the way forward.

Muppets would have livened this up, Harvey Corman alone just doesn’t do it, though I still think
the DVD release of the original trilogy should have this AND the Muppet show appearences on
it. Doubtful, as Lucas is an ill-humoured cunt.

Something to say?