Angst (formerly Frustrations)

What with being a sensitive child, I tend to get annoyed easily. Especially when I have my seasonal hormonal imbalances brought about by psychosomatic menstrual issues related to unresolved feminine relationship anxieties™… and even though I generally get annoyed by other people’s lists of petty frustrations I feel the burning need to list my own right now. I may update this list periodically if I feel inclined. Or delete it should I become embarrassed by my lack of restraint and shameful displays of petty intolerance:

Web designers who’s monitors are too big

Some people need a big monitor. Not many, just some. Most people who buy a big monitor buy a big monitor for the same reason people buy big cars, because it makes them feel big. What makes these people really fucking annoying is when they use these big monitors to make big web-pages in their big copy of Dreamweaver without any consideration or respect for people who don’t have big monitors, don’t use hi-resolution desktops or just want to keep pages open in a moderately sized browser window that doesn’t take up the whole desktop because we do other things with our time. So you get every title using <h1 class=HUGELIKEMYCOCKLOLOLOLO> and probably <blink> or <marquee> as well. A lame attempt at showing off… and they do it all in Comic Sans MS or Times New Roman. Don’t forget the random garish animgifs. Design means nothing to these folks. "L00k! My 2 wurd titel taks up half ur screen. ur monitor sUx0Rz! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL".

Twats

“I could care less”

So you could care a bit? I mean, you are highlighting the fact that there are possible levels of sympathy below that at which you now stand which implies you then obviously do care to an unspecified degree? Though from your tone I divulge that your compassion on this issue is limited but not exhaustive?

Or did you mean that you could not care less on the issue? In which case you have neglected to include the “not” or “n’t” following the word “could” due to lack of awareness in you modes of communication?

Hmmm?

Ah I see, you could care less about what I have to say, though I understand there is no malice in your words. Merely the symptoms of some form of ADD that you suffer which means you have no interest in any opinions on your opinions nor any interest in anything that exists outside your 12-second attention span.

Monkey want a peanut?

GPL fanatics

Oh look someone has spent a lot of time and effort on something and they want to keep some control over their work. No that’s not GPL so you’re just going to ignore its existence totally and/or slag it off purely because of that fact. Hey, but it’s actually quite good… oh, there are free alternatives somewhere that do half of the things this does if you can eventually manage to get it to compile and you’ve decided you don’t need any of the other functions… oh and you boycott non GPL stuff because it’s offensive to you somehow. Why? Ah… because it would compromise your unresolved issues related to having an over-authoritarian father who never showed you he loved you? Now I understand. No… No… that’s ok. I’m not judging you. I’m here if you need to talk ok?

The Weather?

Oh yeah, it’s raining and stuff… so what? I’ve no problem with it. Don’t you have anything better to talk about? It’s been raining on and off for millions of years now. You’d think people would be used to it.

Christmas

Christmas is in December. Infact it’s at the end of December. Why am I being forced fed Christmas™ from August onwards? Especially considering Christmas in it’s current incarnation is little more than a crass excuse for overindulgence, greed and fake compassion? Maybe it’s just because I’ve grown to associate Christmas with disappointment and Other Associated Bad Things™. They say it’s a family time but what do you do if you don’t have a family or don’t get on with them or just have had so many crappy Christmases with “the family” that you can’t bear it anymore? You spend it alone and for people who are alone it’s the best time of year to double underline that point in red Biro and mark it with a yellow highlighter. Maybe stick some silver stars on either side too. Last year I spent probably the best one I’ve had in years in Paris with a friend away from the usual tedious traditions. I swore that every Xmas from then on I’d get away. Mainly for financial reasons that promise has gone tits up and I don’t have that option this year so I’ll… I dunno. I can’t even think about the usual. Spend it in bed? Maybe get up for a few hours to go to my grans. Eat a bit of food. Pull a cracker. Watch half of the traditional Eastenders grief-a-thon before despairing at life and going home to bed again incase I decide to end it all by soaking my head in rum and then tying 100 crackers to it and pulling them all at once.

Eastenders

No, I don’t watch it. I gave up years ago, but for the good of mankind it needs axed. And anything like it. There has been a lot of talk about the rise in people being treated for depression in the UK. I blame this fucking show. I know a lot of people who have had a bad time in life, but no-one has this much fucking drama. That whole cast have so much misery and grief going on that I think they all need euthanised. the whole lot of them. I once considered submitting a script in which the whole cast are murdered by a scriptwriter who writes himself into the show with an assortment of weapons because he can’t take the endless misery suffered by these otherwise pointless people. Kill Eastenders. Kill it now and bring back Blake’s 7. If you are going to have bleak drama you may as well have it in space, fighting tyranny …where it belongs.

Dude

q. What is wrong with the following sentence:

Dude

a. Too many things to mention.

Anti-social Cyclists

The fact that I sometimes feel like I’m in a tiny minority of people in this town aware of the highway code, despite never having owned or driven a car. I hate the fact that I get hit by stupid little fucks (and often big gormless fucks) on stupid fucking little BMX bicycles cycling on the pavement who them glare at me to get out of the way. Next time it happens I think I will be angry enough to summon untapped primal strength to lift stupid fucking little BMX and aforementioned gormless fuck and hurl them bodily into the sun. Or at least into a nearby sheugh. Preferably one containing an discarded bedstead or old broken washing machine that they can be crumpled and/or impailed upon.

Cars

I wonder if the usual laws that apply to drivers are optional in this town but I’ve been informed that it’s the same everywhere… surprising. Indicating to turn either while you are actually turning or never. Then getting angry if people are in the way. Whole columns of people taking corners while talking on their phone. You can’t even look the way you are turning because your phone is on that ear. You don’t even have a hands free kit. Oh, I’m sorry. You have a business which depends on your being able to take/make a call at any time? That’s ok. The normal rules of the road don’t apply to you. Neither do the laws of physics I’m guessing. Crashes won’t cause any damage or fatalities because physics will say “Oh, no… that guys business depends on him making this call to his wife to tell her he’ll pick up some peat briquettes on the way home tonight so I’ll see to it that his car phases out long enough for that child he didn’t see to remain alive and intact.”. I sometimes wonder if society would judge me with leniency if I anally raped drivers with their own cellular phones.

Support Forums

I really hate when I go googling for assistance with technical, ‘puter stuff and I find posts on various forums or mailing lists archives from people with the same problem as me… and no responses whatsoever. Or if there are responses they will be amazingly pedantic and unhelpful to the extent that I want to punch the screen through lack of having a face to hit.

Students

lj news post: “It’s cool to blog at school” – No it’s fucking not. The net would be a better place if they restricted the access of bored and undereducated urchins at schools and colleges so we would have less trolls and abuse of potentially great facilities like urbandictionary.com “TiM hOWE IZ A JERK LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL He HaZ AsMALl dIcK AnD FuCkz dOgz lIkE SHeEnA wAtSoNLOLOLOLOLOL:insert stream of tedious graphical animated emoticons here:” FUCK OFF AFORE I BEAT YOU AND TAKE YOUR LUNCH MONEY! I’M GOING TO GET HACKERS TO BREAK INTO YOUR SCHOOL RECORDS AND CHANGE YOUR GENDER AND PUT YOUR PARENTS ON THE PUBLIC SEX OFFENDERS REGISTER! SEE IF I DON’T.

Cats

My cat hasn’t yet adjusted to the clocks going back. This means she’s getting me up an hour earlier. 6am. 7am was early enough but she won’t be told. Animals operate on their own internal clocks. Especially cats. Breakfast is at 6am. 6am. Otherwise I shall receive a reminder in the form of casual but continual picking at the carpet by my bedroom door. I don’t watch her do this, but I know she’s doing it with one paw and watching me sleepily. I’ve always been able to feel her eyes on me. They emit radiation of some kind. I’m sure of it.

Reverse Ludditism

I can’t understand why people will ignore anything that’s not modern and graphically impressive. I personally know people who will have nothing to do with old games or sci-fi because the graphical effects aren’t up to the standards we know and expect today. In the worst case I’ve heard of a few people who played Deus Ex 2 completely bypassing the original purely because it’s from the last century and the graphics “looked a bit naff”. You can be sure these people wouldn’t even consider System Shock.

The Casual Shopper

People who go out for leisurely constitutional dander around the supermarket at peak time. Then they stop to ponder the cheese. Then they remove their glasses to consider what it was they were planning to do today that the list of artificial ingredients in the cheese may have just reminded them of. Then they laugh to themselves as they are reminded of a humourous anecdote that they will relate to their partner. Then they go arse over tit into the chilled cabinet as I smite them with a trolley. And lo verily it was done. Righteously.

Happiness

Happy together people get on my tits. I hate them because I’m jealous. Enough said. The only people I hate more than them are party people who do nothing but party all the time and have thousands of apparent friends they actually remember the names of. Where do they get the time for this? There are people who do nothing but party. I can’t afford to go out more than once a month. These people don’t even seem to work. Where do they get the money from? Do they sponge off their legion of supposed friends? I’m just jealous of their energy I guess. I don’t really hate anyone but myself. I’m an example of that type of person. If anyone gives you a vitriolic list of the types of people they hate you can be sure they only hate theirselves. Tell them this. Hug them if they cry. They only want love. Love and possibly a bit of a trouser fiddle.

Communication

I really seem to be losing the patience to try to second guess people. I’ve spent an awful lot of time doing it through my life due to paranoia and mistrust but I really hate having to do it because people won’t be direct and tell me what it is they want, expecting me to pick up hints. It’s like trying to communicate with chimpanzees sometimes.

“What is it Mr Bonzo? Show me what you want? You… you want a banana? You want the toilet? what? What are you telling me? Are you sick? Has Little Timmy fallen down ther well again? Calm down… you want a drink? A banana milkshake? What? Don’t wave your big hairy arms at me in frustration. I only want to understand… ah. I see. You want me to objectalize you as a person rather than as animal and assign you the same rights and needs as a human being. Ok. I’ll do that if you stop masturbating in public.”

It saves a lot of time if you are just direct and if there is going to be disappointment, well it’ll get it over and done with early. I’m too preoccupied with trying to avoid the apparent compulsory trivialities of life to be relied upon to pick up vague hints or remember birthdays and the like.

Sugar in tea

George Orwell and I agree on this. Sugar in tea is wrong and destroys the flavour. Oh what do I care if other people take sugar in their tea? I don’t, but they get into the habit. I’ve had it assumed that tea + sugar is normal and people have gone and made me a cup of tea and automatically put sugar in it as well without asking me first or, even worse, asking while actually putting the sugar in the tea (cf: people who start to indicate while already taking a corner). I used to just take it anyway and then drink the disgustingly sweet mess but I can’t do that now. I hate myself. So I just say so, and then they hate me instead. It’s not my fucking crappy tradition luv. The whole milk thing is controversial anyway so it’s not a huge problem. I have no preference as to when the milk is put in. I’m not keen on milk in early grey or lapsang but I’ll take it if it’s offered that way. Just don’t fucking put sugar in it. What’s worse is those people who take three or more sugars in their tea. Why don’t you just drink fucking milkshake for fucks sake?! You’ve made a milky syrup. If it’s sugar and caffeine you want then drink cola. It’s not tea anymore with that much sugar in it. I don’t see the point.

Something to say?