Ok, I’m promise… and this time I mean it… I’m never ever going to do or plan anything ever again. Or at least anything that involves other people, especially other people I need to rely on. It’s a waste of time and only leads to dissapointment. I don’t rank high enough on anyones list of friends to actually require commitment. Ok, that’s my fault. I’m too standoffish, but when I’m not I scare people away. Can’t seem to get the balance right. Flake or creep. Lose-lose.
I think at the moment I just want to take a holiday from the human race. I know I’ve always been very much a part time member thus far but the most I make the effort the more I seem to repulse people. I’m just not cut out for interacting with others. I can’t stand the dissapointment anymore. I feel like a fucking leper of some kind.
I’m wasting my time even writing this.
Ok, so as some people have noticed Bad December™ has returned after a two year absence. Apologies to those I’ve alienated, pissed off and especially those I’ve avoided so I could claim they are avoiding me. I’m taking December off to work things out as I’m being a pretty angry bunny at the moment without any real excuse to do so. To work things out or to just veg until they work themselves out. Whichever seems more prudent and/or comfortable. Immersing myself in World of Warcraft and red wine seems to have kept me somewhat sane through it all.
These cycles are tedious. I dread to think what my real male menopause will be like.
Next year I will plan my escape well in advance. Belgium followed by xmas in Prague might have been the real way to go after all…