For countless generations (nobody has tried to count them but it’s theorised there could be as many as two) There has been a long held truth that goes like this, any horror movie series that goes on long enough without a reboot will eventually end up in space. For years this has been disparaged by experts due to the one notable exception: Freddy never went into space.
Well the horror movie history world has been turned on its head this week when a lost script was found lining a pensioners cat litter tray in Scunthorpe.
The worn and urine soaked script is called A Nightmare in Space and was written by Cletus Tyrell, with rewrites by Herb Wasserfrau and further rewrites by Burt Trump and Paul Yokel. Tyrell is notable for also scripting the abandoned pilot for TV show spinoff of Monkey Shines as well as the porn version of Knight Rider called Knight Rider. The subsequent law suit from the latter bankrupted the studio and from that point onwards he mainly wrote lyrics for radio jingles up until his death two years ago from chronic conjunctivitis (he was driving at the time).
The plot revolves around the sole survivor of Elm Street, a young man called Aaron Noraa who joins NASA and volunteers for the first deep space mission to explore beyond the kuiper belt in 2015 as he is secretly hoping to escape the horrifying nightmares of the burned man in a jumper and hat with razors for fingers that had been tormenting him for most of his life, which unbeknownst to him, claimed the life of his older sister when he was 5 and drove both his parents to terminal alcoholism.
Unfortunately the dreams follow him into space and during their hypo-sleep, spread to his colleagues and cause one of them to be found dead from fright upon waking at their destination.
What follows is the usual pick-em-off one at a time while they sleep, until they are afraid to sleep and take stims to keep awake until they start hallucinating and Freddy gets them all anyway.
The ending is missing due to it being used to light a fire when Harriet ran out of Sunny Jims, but we imagine Aaron finds a way to defeat Freddy and it looks like he’s succeeded until Freddy pops up again just before the credits roll. Cue awful rock song.
The script will go up for auction next month to raise money for Harriet’s cat, Begbie’s veterinary bills incurred after he ate the staples holding the script together. It’s expected to catch up to $75 from a sexless Fangoria subscriber who paid a rumoured $20,000 last year for an old piece of mummified gum claimed to have been spat out by Roddy Piper on the set of They Live.